I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
