I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I deserve this hangover.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
