i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
