i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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