My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
