Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
