btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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