I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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