Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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