every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize