I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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