You made me cry and you don't even care
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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