Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
