The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
a search helicopter?!
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
