The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
