Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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