ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bring me that man meat
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
