no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
