this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
