i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
