I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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