3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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