that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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