plz talk dirty to me
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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