no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
