so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
