So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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