Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
