I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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