she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
