I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
