totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I would ride that face into the sunset
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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