a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
