If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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