I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
