Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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