My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
