So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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