I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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