your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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