I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
