I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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