I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
