So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
