Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
