i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
