You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
