is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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