I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
