He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
