We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
