i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
