ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
tell me about the eggs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
