During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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