oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
