Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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