Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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