ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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