i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
