paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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