I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
