thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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